Just for fun...

Was cleaning out my emails from way back, and came across this collection of quotes:

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -- Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." -- Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." -- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." -- Groucho Marx

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.." -- Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." -- Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... If you have one." -- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill...
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second, if there is one." -- Winston Churchill

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -- Stephen Bishop

"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." -- John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." -- Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others." -- Samuel Johnson

"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." -- Paul Keating

"He had delusions of adequacy." -- Walter Kerr

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" -- Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." -- Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." -- Oscar Wilde
 
The cat at 10 Downing St...
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Penguins Have Evolved! Now have Burial Rituals!

Have you ever noticed any dead penguins on the ice? Even in all those wildlife documentaries? Never. Why?...

Penguins have recently been observed burying their dead and conducting a funeral rite. An older penguin suffered an illness and died. A group of penguins began to dig through the snow using their webbed feet and then bills to peck a penguin sized hole in the ice. They pushed the older penguin's body into the hole and covered him up with the chopped ice.

Then the whole colony gathered in a circle around the fallen elder and began to sing, "Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow, Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow..."
 
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.

"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.

"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
 
An old man was eating at a truck stop minding his own business, when three dangerous-looking bikers walked in.

The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into his pie and then took a seat at the counter.

The second walked up to the old man, spit into his milk and then took a seat at the counter.

The third walked up to the old man, turned over his plate, and then took a seat at the counter.

Without a word, the old man quietly paid for his meal and left the diner.

One of the bikers said to the waitress, “Humph, not much of a man, was he?”

The waitress replied, “And not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles.”
 
The Chief Commander of the Polish Police firing a grenade-launcher in his own office (Dec 14th, 2022):
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we have the boat lights but it used to be a hassle when we did not have the tandem. but Now we have been sick or it was too nasty out there.
 
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