I have a female friend who will do my nails, as she's a manicurist. I've known her since my party days and she's still messed up in the head. She looks a bit like Terri Nun from Berlin. Side fact: I have friends who will STILL not talk about her and will even cry if her name gets brought up! My friends (dad included) thought I was gay because I was always hanging out with her, buy not trying to get into her undies. I consider her a real deal sister. Anyways, my friends would beg me to hook them up, I'd try to warn them, they don't listen and suffer the consequences! Make her upset and she'll: Crash your car and flee the scene on foot. Try to burn down your apartment. Stab you and claim self defense. Soooo many fun things. I was/still am one of the very few who can keep the crazy in check. Trust me, its EXHAUSTING. I've bailed her out of jail, we've held each others hair while puking, traded clothes BUT I see her as a crazy sister. My dad saw the crazy in person one night and was speechless, to the point of being terrified to talk to her! My hands will look so good after hanging out with her though!
Just for fun...
- Thread starter ChezCheese:)
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Jeremy McCreary
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- USA
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- Carlsbad, CA
Does it seem odd to you that wreckless drivers are the ones who are wreckless?
PedalUma
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- Petaluma, CA
I like the story of the rural twins who had hotrods and would drive in hill country full speed down the middle of the road. One day they met each other, coming from opposite directions. I also like the general idea of self-solving problems. Such as, the guy with the black spot on his you know what being told that Western medical surgery was not required, It fall off all by self.
PedalUma
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- USA
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- Petaluma, CA
It is January 2nd. The local gym has a three acre parking lot. Every spot is taken. People are circling around but there are no spots. It will thin out each successive week form January First resolutions. Another funny thing about it is that most of the patrons live several blocks away. They will drive to the gym to park, walk from parking, and then take the elevator to the stationary bikes and stair climbers!
Jeremy McCreary
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- Carlsbad, CA
Last time I belonged to a gym, people would circle the lot for 15+ minutes to get a spot by the door -- even when there were plenty open the next row back. Even saw yelling matches over these spots.
It wasn't a big lot, and it was seldom full. Go figure.
It wasn't a big lot, and it was seldom full. Go figure.
PedalUma
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- Petaluma, CA
Just for fun, lots of migrating birds are here, red breasted robins by the dozens are listening for worms. I fed the gulls, large ravens and crows 30 pounds of food today. Another series of storms is approaching. Crows recognize human faces. But, they then followed me home and are now tapping on my skylights wanting more. For the birds, it is amazing to me how long beaked shorebirds kick back swallowing gophers whole and that ducks swallow acorns. Acorns are tough. Gophers are large. You get what you get when you gopher it.
PedalUma
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- Petaluma, CA
I am cleaning up a bike to sell and I stepped out of my office to take it to a large empty one with lots of big windows. From the door of the office next door I heard a soft feminine voice say, ''A little slower; that's right." Talking CPR training robots.
ChezCheese:)
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- Kitsap Co, WA
No, reckless drivers are rarely wreckless.
ChezCheese:)
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- Kitsap Co, WA
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal, its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, that it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied "Well then, you ask him."
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, that it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied "Well then, you ask him."
PedalUma
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- Petaluma, CA
I gave a four-year-old's mom a four pack of Jello and some thick walled smoothie straws today. She is going to post a video of kids eating Jello together while using the straws as their only utensils. It makes the very most silly and rude sounds. The kids will be giggling and laughing. The photo is from yesterday at her coffee shop with kids fishing for ducks. The boat filled with water from recent rains, so she took advantage of it.
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ChezCheese:)
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- Kitsap Co, WA
Q:"How did Moses make matzoh?"
A: "I don't know -- that's the yeast of my worries!"
A: "I don't know -- that's the yeast of my worries!"
JedidiahStolzfus
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- USA
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- Lancaster, PA
One I told to some Amish teens the other day:
Q: How do you keep a Mennonite in suspense?
A: I'll tell you tomorrow.
There's still a certain bit of rivalry between the Mennonites and Amish, but it's more of the Mennonites that keep it up. The teens laughed at it.
Q: How do you keep a Mennonite in suspense?
A: I'll tell you tomorrow.
There's still a certain bit of rivalry between the Mennonites and Amish, but it's more of the Mennonites that keep it up. The teens laughed at it.
ChezCheese:)
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- Kitsap Co, WA
Now that last one I don't get, not knowing much about the bible. Can you explain it to me?
PedalUma
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- Petaluma, CA
I think the joke is that he had so many wives, and that; That is all men are good for! Opening jars. With 700 wives and 300 concubines, he would be tasked to opening pickle jars and pasta sauce jars for them for hours every day.
As soon as a woman buys a jar opening tool, you know the relationship is over. He has been made redundant.
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JedidiahStolzfus
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- Lancaster, PA
One I was told today by an Amish guy:
What do you call it when you get all the Yoders out of Ohio?
Deyoderized.
I asked him:
What do you call a Mennonite Taxi?
A Yoder Toter.
These might only be funny if you're from Central PA.
What do you call it when you get all the Yoders out of Ohio?
Deyoderized.
I asked him:
What do you call a Mennonite Taxi?
A Yoder Toter.
These might only be funny if you're from Central PA.
JedidiahStolzfus
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- USA
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- Lancaster, PA
I wear prescription sunglasses when I drive, if I remove them, I can't see. Plus the turnpike recently replaced all the lights in the tunnels. They used to be long flourescent tubes. Now they're spot lights with about 6' between them. Creates a blinding strobe effect and probably causes seizures in some. I'll keep my sunglasses on.
ChezCheese:)
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- USA
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- Kitsap Co, WA
What's a Yoder?
JedidiahStolzfus
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- USA
- City
- Lancaster, PA
It's a common Mennonite name.
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