Chargeride
Well-Known Member
Do you want a chuckle..
Just for fun...
- Thread starter ChezCheese:)
- Start date
Base
Bike nerd
- Region
- Europe
- City
- in the exact center of the Netherlands
Rik asking Eddie, where did you put the superglue?...
ChezCheese:)
Well-Known Member
- Region
- USA
- City
- Kitsap Co, WA
ChezCheese:)
Well-Known Member
- Region
- USA
- City
- Kitsap Co, WA
"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress." ...John Adams
ChezCheese:)
Well-Known Member
- Region
- USA
- City
- Kitsap Co, WA
Found this collection of jokes about horsemeat in Tesco hamburgers while cleaning out old emails:
A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat Burgers from Tesco.
....... Her condition is said to be stable
Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
Tesco Quarter Pounders: The affordable way to buy your daughter the pony that she's always wanted!
Had some burgers from tesco for my tea last night.... I still have a bit between my teeth.
Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.
Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?
"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer...AND THEY'RE OFF"
I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse....."
Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.
These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a dead..
To beef or not to beef:
That is equestrian
A woman has been taken into hospital after eating horse meat Burgers from Tesco.
....... Her condition is said to be stable
Not entirely sure how Tesco are going to get over this hurdle.
Tesco Quarter Pounders: The affordable way to buy your daughter the pony that she's always wanted!
Had some burgers from tesco for my tea last night.... I still have a bit between my teeth.
Tesco are now testing all their vegetarian burgers for traces of unicorn.
Anyone want a burger from Tesco? Yay or neigh?
"I've just checked the Tesco burgers in my freezer...AND THEY'RE OFF"
I'm so hungry, I could eat a horse....."
Tesco now forced to deny presence of zebra in burgers, as shoppers confuse barcodes for serving suggestions.
These Tesco burger jokes are going on a bit. Talk about flogging a dead..
To beef or not to beef:
That is equestrian
ChezCheese:)
Well-Known Member
- Region
- USA
- City
- Kitsap Co, WA
More gems from clearing out old emails:
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC?..
ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2013 EUROPE : BY JOHN CLEESE
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Libya, Egypt and Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the English issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniforms and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC?..
ChezCheese:)
Well-Known Member
- Region
- USA
- City
- Kitsap Co, WA
One day Bob was cruising down a windy road with his new car and taking the corners at higher than was normally considered a safe speed.
All of a sudden, a large bunny bounded into the road in front of him and the man couldn’t stop in time. SMASH!! When he realized what had happened, he quickly jumped out of the car to check on the carnage in front of him.
Stunned and shocked, because there laying in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.
Bob cried out, “Oh dear.... I've done a terrible thing! I've killed the Easter Bunny!”
Bob began sobbing, nearly uncontrollably, when a few moments later, he heard another car approaching from the other direction.
It was a woman in a shiny, new white sports car. Seeing Bob crying while kneeling in the middle of the road, she stopped and got out, walked over to him and asked him what the problem was.
Bob said, “Oh....It's terrible...terrible. You see....I've killed the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter Day, and it’s all my fault.”
The woman took this all in, then turned without another word, and went quickly back to her car.
A few seconds later, she came back carrying a small spray bottle.
She knelt over the motionless bunny and quickly sprayed it several squirts. After a few moments, the bunny sat up, then quickly sprang to his feet and ran into the woods. He stopped suddenly, and waved back at the man and the woman. He then ran another 20 feet or so, stopped, and waved once more. This continued over and over and over again, until he disappeared from their view.
Once out of their sight, Bob turned and asked the woman, “What on earth is in that bottle??”
The woman answered, “It’s harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds constant wave.”
All of a sudden, a large bunny bounded into the road in front of him and the man couldn’t stop in time. SMASH!! When he realized what had happened, he quickly jumped out of the car to check on the carnage in front of him.
Stunned and shocked, because there laying in the middle of the road, was the Easter Bunny.
Bob cried out, “Oh dear.... I've done a terrible thing! I've killed the Easter Bunny!”
Bob began sobbing, nearly uncontrollably, when a few moments later, he heard another car approaching from the other direction.
It was a woman in a shiny, new white sports car. Seeing Bob crying while kneeling in the middle of the road, she stopped and got out, walked over to him and asked him what the problem was.
Bob said, “Oh....It's terrible...terrible. You see....I've killed the Easter Bunny. Now there will be no one to deliver eggs on Easter Day, and it’s all my fault.”
The woman took this all in, then turned without another word, and went quickly back to her car.
A few seconds later, she came back carrying a small spray bottle.
She knelt over the motionless bunny and quickly sprayed it several squirts. After a few moments, the bunny sat up, then quickly sprang to his feet and ran into the woods. He stopped suddenly, and waved back at the man and the woman. He then ran another 20 feet or so, stopped, and waved once more. This continued over and over and over again, until he disappeared from their view.
Once out of their sight, Bob turned and asked the woman, “What on earth is in that bottle??”
The woman answered, “It’s harespray. It revitalizes hare and adds constant wave.”
